Square One

I've been on surgery for all of two days now. And, while I absolutely love being in the OR, it can be intimidating to say the least. In and of itself, the OR is like a whole new world, with unspoken rules and sterile fields that cannot be broken. That, coupled with the vast amount of knowledge the surgical residents are able to rattle off at a moment's notice, is enough to make the most confident medical student break into a cold sweat. During the past two days I've been reminded of the (relatively) little amount of clinical knowledge I've mastered in my seven months in the hospital. While most of the time, I use this fact to motivate me, sometimes it has the opposite effect, and I can feel the realization of everything I have yet to learn weigh me down.

I experienced one of these moments yesterday morning. It was 5:07am and I was on my first ever surgical rounds. Myself, and the entire team of surgical residents were standing outside a patient's room when my fellow student and I found ourselves in the middle of a particularly bloody session of pimping (a style of questioning all medical students fear to our very core). While questions, that I did not know the answer to, were whizzing past me like bullets in a WWII period film, I remembered something a preceptor on my previous rotation told me about surviving medical training.

I was sitting across from her desk at the end of the day reviewing the cases we had seen. It was my final day working with her and we got to talking about medical school and its challenges. At the end of our conversation she gave me this final piece of advice:"Discover what you like about yourself. Hold on to that. And if you do, no one will be able to touch you. Promise me you'll do that?" 

Medical student, how do you repair a spigelian hernia?! As I was jolted back to reality by the quizzical stare of my senior resident, I could feel the heaviness already gathering in my chest. But then I made a choice. And, after taking a deep breath I calmly replied, "I don't know, but I'll look it up."

So c'mon 2016, bring it. :)