Then Came the Morning

My flight had been postponed for the following morning and I was riding in a shuttle to some crappy hotel in Atlanta. In between small talk with the driver and an 18-year old newly enlisted soldier on his way to boot camp, I managed to catch bits of the talk radio program playing in the background. The speaker, an older man with a voice that could have given Morgan Freeman a run for his money, was speaking about the journeys this life takes us on. The quote that resonated with me, at that time just a med school hopeful fresh out of a medical school interview, was this:

"If we knew how hard the journey was going to be, we would never take the first step."

And I think most of us, regardless of what life paths we're cruising along, would agree with that statement. Because goals are great, and dreams are...well, fun to dream about. But when you're in the thick of things it can be easy to forget why you started in the first place.

Now that I have taken survived boards, the real "school" portion of my life has pretty much come to a close. No more entire days spent studying in the library. No more case reading lists and PBL exams and flash cards filled with "high yield" facts. There were times during these past two years when I doubted this path I worked so hard to get on. And from time to time, those words I randomly heard on a rainy night in Georgia, when I was exhausted and far from home, come back to me. And I am glad there was no way I could have known then what the first two years of medical school would hold for me.  Because I know now what I might not have believed then. That though stressful times would come, I would not only get through them, but be strengthened by them. And with every passing exam, I would grow more confident in myself as a future physician and as a person.

One week from today I officially start my third year in a hospital seeing patients every day. After two years of burying my head in books, I am so excited to be back among the living. And while I am sure there will be tough times in the next two years, for now I remain blissfully, and thankfully, unaware.

The Final Countdown

"No. When the sternocleidomastoid contracts, your head looks to the opposite side of the contracting muscle."

The EM intern stared incredulously at the GIANT man nurse (seriously, this guy was a huge dude) who was schooling him on neck anatomy. While Dr. Shaky-Hands (a nickname I secretly gave him after watching him butcher a central line) timidly tried to figure out the mysteries of the SCM, his attending walked by and barked an order at him, which sent him running, and that was that.

The entire interaction lasted all of 5 seconds. And because of it I will always remember that when the SCM contracts unilaterally, the head turns to the opposite side of the activated muscle. One tiny factoid I randomly learned years ago that still helps me on OMM/Anatomy questions.

One week from tomorrow I'll take the first of my two board exams. Which is kind of a big deal. Any medical student will tell you, starting with the very first day of medical school, everything is about boards. Boards boards boards. They determine a lot. What specialties you're competitive for, what residencies you have a shot at matching to, etc. Like I said, kind of a big deal. As you can imagine, this weekend I've been doing my best to keep the panic at bay.

I haven't studied enough! 

I should probably post-pone my exam... 

There is no way I know everything I need to know for this thing. 

I'm out of coffee. Nooooooo!!!

Earlier today, I had a practice question about the SCM, and was reminded that I have been preparing for this exam for years. I have studied enough. I am not going to post-pone my exam (not gonna lie, a pretty big factor in this decision is that I wouldn't get to go home and drink margaritas by my pool before I start rotations, but whatever). And no, I won't know everything I "need to know." There is simply too much.

But in the next seven days, in addition to making one last pass through First-Aid and replenishing my coffee supply, I am going to to trust that I know more than I think I know. And keep my fingers crossed for at least one question about the SCM. ;)