Vingt-six

I'm turning 26 tomorrow. That feels so weird to type, because I don't feel 26. Not that I really know what that's supposed to feel like, but still. I always get a little nostalgic around my birthday. I think we all do. For me, it's like this built in milestone that screams, "Hey! Remember what you were like this time last year? And the year before? I wonder what you'll be up to next year? You should really just take this time to think about where you've been, where you are, and where you're going." Annoying, no? I totally agree.

I started an alternative birthday blog post that involved tears, second grade spelling tests, and frantic calls to my best friend. I'll spare you the details but the gist of it was pretty much that I, as a 26 year old, am still struggling with the same things I was at age 9. Second grade me had some pretty high expectations of herself. (According to my mom, this started early. Example: In kindergarten, if I was coloring a picture and "messed up," said paper was immediately crumpled up and thrown into the trash.) As it turns out, 26 year old me also has very high expectations.

On one hand, this motivates me to work really hard and push myself to always be better. I'm thankful for it because I'm not sure if I would be where I am without the constant internal pull to keep getting better. On the other, when I don't achieve said expectations, things get pretty ugly. (I am NOT a pretty crier.)

So this year for my birthday, on the recommendation of my super-smart best friend, I'm going to start telling myself a different story. One that isn't constantly plagued with comparing my success to other peoples'. Or wondering why my grades aren't better, or why I'm not in perfect shape, or why I'm still single. (Answers: med school is hard; med school is time all-consuming; see previous two.) Instead, I hope that it reads more along the lines of someone who is kind, works really hard, and loves Jesus.

Last night, this verse was on my heart. I love it because it reminds me that God is in control, and He has been from the very beginning. And no matter how messed up I sometimes feel, He loves me and has plans for my life, things that he designed me specifically to do. I just love that.

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus so we may do the good things he planned for us long ago." Ephesians 2:10 

Thanks for hearing my heart. I'm off to bed to dream about birthday cake. :)