A year ago today

I am 19 days out from starting my second year of med school. This is both exciting and scary. I'm excited to get back into my school routine and see my friends. I'm also nervous about starting year 2 of an intense med school curriculum, which culminates (a little less than a year from now) with my first board exam, the dreaded "Step 1." Eeshk.

I keep flashing back to what life was like last year at this time. Exactly one year ago today, my dad and I left for Pennsylvania with my packed truck and U-haul trailer in tow. I was feeling pretty much the same way  I am now: excited and scared. Last year, the unknowns of the upcoming year were the source of my anxiety and excitement. This year it's the opposite. I know what this year will bring. I've done it once before.

This year will bring excitement and joy.
And frustration and stress.
I'll freak out.
I'll geek out.
I'll go for days getting barely any sleep.
I'll take post-exam marathon naps.
I'll be thankful for my PA family.
I'll miss my family and friends back home.
I'm going to make mistakes.
And then I'm going to make more mistakes.
I'm going to disappoint myself.
I'm going to be proud of something I've accomplished.
I'm going to look like an idiot in front of a faculty member/clinician.
I'm going to mess up case presentations.
I'm going to forget to ask a basic question in a patient interview.
My handwriting will become increasingly illegible.
I'm going to put my stethoscope on the wrong way.
There will be moments I think I made a mistake going to medical school.
There will be moments I know I am exactly where I'm meant to be.
I'll drink more caffeine in one day than the American Board of Cardiology recommends, times 8.
I'm going to feel like I know nothing.
I'm going to feel like passing boards is impossible.
I'm going to call my dad in tears.
I'm going study more than I ever thought possible.
I'm going to pass exams I think I've failed.
I'm going to get through it.

A wise friend told me that I need to make a list of everything I've done that seemed impossible before I did it. She told me to then hang it some place I'll see often to remind myself that difficult things always seem impossible before they're done. Getting through last year would definitely top that list. It was the most challenging thing I've ever done, for many reasons. But I got through it. And I look back at everything I learned from last year - both inside and outside the library. And I'm so thankful for each of the experiences I had and the valuable (sometimes painful) lessons I learned.

So, one year to the day after I started this crazy adventure, here's to another year full of ups and downs. :)