Flora

I've been trying to remember important moments that we shared while I was growing up.

I remember you leading me and Jonathan into the Cracker Barrel gift shop while we were on vacation and telling us we could pick out anything we wanted.

I remember you and Papa throwing a giant birthday party for all of the Arizona grand kids while we were in Disney World, to make up for all the parties you had missed.

I remember you asking me where I got my curly hair from and when I responded from my dad, you laughed and asked me who I thought had given him his curls.

The specific moments are blurred and slightly faded. And there aren't nearly enough of them, with us living on opposite sides of the country. But I will always remember how you made me feel - so cherished and so loved.

This past Saturday, I was reminded that I am not the only one who will remember you that way. Yours was a life spent loving and cherishing people. And, if I end up loving people even half as much as you managed to, I'll consider it a life well spent.

Livin' the Dream

I've been doing a decent job of not succumbing to the pre-board panic epidemic that is currently running through my class like wildfire. I am still showering regularly. Most of my meals don't come pre-packaged. And I am BUSTING through Parks and Rec (thanks Netflix). With all that being said, I have been having some pretty interesting dreams this semester. So I'm starting to think that maybe, just maybe, my subconcious is starting to feel the pressure. Here are a few examples...

I am studying in one of the study rooms at school. All of a sudden the room turns into a dungeon that is being guarded by a giant crocodile. Apparently this ROUS (reptile of unusual size) is invisible to everyone but me. Because I watch it eat everyone that tries to come and rescue me. Even Lorelei Gilmore. Who was bringing me coffee. Gah...

I am studying at school, in the same room as the above dream, when I feel something in my mouth. I spit out said object into my hand and its a tooth. So, I just toss it in the giant pile of my teeth that is already sitting on the table next to me, and continue studying path. No biggie...

I'm driving in the middle of Nowhere, USA when my truck breaks down. Have no fear, the creepy/persistent guy that had a crush on me in high school is there in an instant. Literally, out of nowhere. Ready to jump start my Tacoma and ask for my hand in marriage. Thanks, Jared. 

And the newest addition...

I'm working in the cadaver lab when I accidentally boil a human heart and lungs in a crockpot. Oops. Then I freak out because I have to tell my PI (principle investigator - real lab lingo, I promise) what I've done. (Note: I don't freak out that I have just boiled another human's heart. No, that's absurd.) I finally get up the courage to tell my mystery PI and walk into his office. Once inside I find Brad Pitt (the PI) who is nonchalantly cleaning his shiny black motorcycle in what appears to be an auto body shop. Once I tell him the news he laughs and says that happens all the time. Oh, and not to let anyone eat the heart and lungs. 

I've got to admit, my subconscious is pretty creative. Plus I don't mind sharing my REM sleep with Brad Pitt. White coats and motorcycles? Yes, please. ;)

Thankful

Whenever I'm feeling particularly sad/stressed/homesick or just generally cranky, I try to come up with things that I'm thankful for. I think Oprah may have recommend this - but honestly what doesn't she recommend? Regardless of whose genius idea it was initially, I've found that it's a sure-fire way of pulling me out of my funk and re-focusing myself on all of the awesome things in my life. And, since today marks exactly one month of my being a real adult (I've decided that "real" adult means paying for health insurance. Thanks, Obama), here is a list of 26 things that I am thankful for.

1. Spring. ALL of the snow outside my house has officially melted, people. ALL OF IT! Birds are chirping and everything. After five months of insanely cold frozenness, right now, spring is about as magical as a Disney Pixar movie.
2. Coffee. Aka, get-up-and-go juice. (And also, stay-awake-because-you-haven't-finished-reading-that-path-chapter juice.) 
3. My crazy supportive family. I would not be where I am, or who I am, today without their constant love and encouragement. 
4. My equally crazy supportive friends. We laugh, we cry, we eat a lot of frozen yogurt and spend too much money on Sonic fountain drinks. I'm pretty sure that's what love is. 
5. Electric blankets. They're like being wrapped in the best hug ever. And you don't have to worry about BO.
6. Being in medical school. It's the source of 96.4% of my stress, and I am still thankful to be here every day. (Admittedly, some days I'm more thankful than others.)
7. My cat. I have yet to lose a "cat-off," so I say with confidence, my cat is better than yours. ;) 
8. My local Dunkin Donuts coffee girl. She knows my voice, she knows my order, and she's the smiling face I see before spending all night in the library. You. Go. Girl. 
9. All Starbucks baristas everywhere. You spread joy and happiness. And even though you sometimes spell my name wrong (Megan, Morganne, Marie) I don't care and I will always forgive you. This might also be what love is. 
10. Volunteering at my local food bank. This is one of my favorite parts of the week. The people there are amazing and kind and I'll always be thankful to have known and served with them. 
11. Picmonic. This fun study tool is pretty much like watching cartoons. (Cartoons that are linked to high yield totally testable medical school topics, but cartoons nonetheless.)
12. The Pennsylvania Game Commission. This is random, and I'll spare you the details. But earlier this week they took care of a "situation" involving a mortally wounded deer and my backyard. 
13. The SheReadsTruth online community. If you're looking for a daily devotional, these ladies write awesome, God-infused, scripture-based plans and I absolutely love, love them. Please check them out! 
14. Non-school books. I repeat, books that do not have ANYTHING to do with medical school. Sometimes, I forget these even exist. This weekend I started reading "The Book of Unknown Americans." I am half way through it and loving it so far!
15. Pathoma. I speak for myself and almost every other medical student when I say, Team Sattar for Lifeeeeeee. 
16. AppleTV. Man oh man, has this little black box of wonders revolutionized the way I procrastinate. Just. Can't. Reach. The. Remote. Before the next episode starts. Oh, well. ;) 
17. Online shopping. Also known as the "if a girl finds a perfect dress, she'll need a light spring jacket and cute summer sandals to match" phenomenon. It's like the grown up equivalent to the life lessons learned in the childhood classic, "If you give a mouse a cookie." Only more expensive. 
18. Last minute road trips. My punk kid brother is visiting me this week and I love having him around. He'll be on the opposite side of the country this time next year (his first army post is in Alaska) so I'm soaking up all the brother-sister bonding time I can. 
19. My awesome local church. Nothing makes a place feel more like home than being able to go to "my church" every Sunday. 
20. Only one more PBL exam to go! This is almost too good to be true. The exams that have dictated so much of my life for the past two years are almost done. Woo-freakin-hoo!!! 
21. That I can call my dad any time for any reason. From banking advice to what to do when a bat invades my house (true story), he has always been my own personal "Mr. Fix It." And I'm pretty sure I have the greatest dad in the world. But I might be biased. 
22. The health of my family and friends. I spend the majority of my time learning about everything that can go wrong with the human body, which makes the fact that all the people I love dearly are healthy that much sweeter. 
23. I'm thankful for the people that read this silly blog. And who are STILL reading this post. It turned into quite a doozy, huh?
24. I'm thankful for my mom. She puts her heart and soul into teaching a bunch of bratty junior high students math. But from the stories she tells me, what she is really teaching them is that that they are important. That they matter. And that they each have gifts to offer this world. 
25. I'm thankful that home is only a plane ride away. 
26. I'm thankful for the cross. I'm in the middle of the SheReadsTruth lent study right now and am in awe of God's love for a fallen world and the sacrifice Jesus made to bring us Home. 

Guest Post

FALSE.

It's day two of my embargo with the outside world. Subzero temperatures mean one thing for this Arizona native - never leaving my house. I did venture out to get groceries this morning. Which only reinforced my desire to never be more than 7 feet away from by electric blanket. (I've named him Gus. I think it's serious.)

Anyways, about two months ago Ghabrielle asked me to be a guest writer on her blog, The Night Owl Chronicles. Ghabrielle is also a second year medical student, so I was super excited and very flattered that she asked me to write about my medical school journey so far - including the application process and my current preparation for board exams.

She just published the post earlier this week and I think it turned out really great! If you are interested in applying to medical school, especially a DO school, I encourage you to check it out here!

Alright gang, Gus and I are going to cuddle up and see what all the fuss is about with this "Birdman" movie. If you've seen it, let me know what you think!

Vingt-six

I'm turning 26 tomorrow. That feels so weird to type, because I don't feel 26. Not that I really know what that's supposed to feel like, but still. I always get a little nostalgic around my birthday. I think we all do. For me, it's like this built in milestone that screams, "Hey! Remember what you were like this time last year? And the year before? I wonder what you'll be up to next year? You should really just take this time to think about where you've been, where you are, and where you're going." Annoying, no? I totally agree.

I started an alternative birthday blog post that involved tears, second grade spelling tests, and frantic calls to my best friend. I'll spare you the details but the gist of it was pretty much that I, as a 26 year old, am still struggling with the same things I was at age 9. Second grade me had some pretty high expectations of herself. (According to my mom, this started early. Example: In kindergarten, if I was coloring a picture and "messed up," said paper was immediately crumpled up and thrown into the trash.) As it turns out, 26 year old me also has very high expectations.

On one hand, this motivates me to work really hard and push myself to always be better. I'm thankful for it because I'm not sure if I would be where I am without the constant internal pull to keep getting better. On the other, when I don't achieve said expectations, things get pretty ugly. (I am NOT a pretty crier.)

So this year for my birthday, on the recommendation of my super-smart best friend, I'm going to start telling myself a different story. One that isn't constantly plagued with comparing my success to other peoples'. Or wondering why my grades aren't better, or why I'm not in perfect shape, or why I'm still single. (Answers: med school is hard; med school is time all-consuming; see previous two.) Instead, I hope that it reads more along the lines of someone who is kind, works really hard, and loves Jesus.

Last night, this verse was on my heart. I love it because it reminds me that God is in control, and He has been from the very beginning. And no matter how messed up I sometimes feel, He loves me and has plans for my life, things that he designed me specifically to do. I just love that.

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus so we may do the good things he planned for us long ago." Ephesians 2:10 

Thanks for hearing my heart. I'm off to bed to dream about birthday cake. :)

Highs and Lows

There is a kid in my class at school who is famous for his greeting: "Hey, man! Alright, highs and lows!"

It's great because instead of the absent minded, "Hey, how's it going?"  -- where you don't really expect an honest answer before you move on with your life, the greeting I'm guilty of --  this greeting makes you think, and you get to hear what the other person is dealing with, the good and the bad.

So, here are the week's highs and lows.

Highs:

• I was volunteering at a local school science fair and got to hold a tarantula AND a spotted gecko! They reminded me of home and made me happy.
• I made some serious progress inderstanding some concepts that kept tripping me up in neuroanatomy. The irony of how difucult it is to cram facts about the human brain into my brain is not lost on me. 
• I bought a new nutribullet and have been drinking smoothies for days. I've even become one of those weirdos who adds kale. It looks disgustng, but tastes delcious!
• The Lone Bellow came out with a new album and it's awesome! I'm seeing them live in February and can't wait. 

Lows:

• It's still winter - brutally cold and icy. I am not a fan. 
• I had to pay for health insurance like a real adult. Does the government not get that the whole point of staying in school was to prolong the realities of being an adult? 
• We're less than two weeks out from our first big exam of the semester. Hello, sleepless nights. 

I'm thankful to be ending the week with my "highs" outnumbering my "lows." Hope you can say the same!

Evidence of Things Unseen

I've been back in the land of snow for all of five days. Yesterday, I was diagnosed, by a fellow classmate, with a bad case of acute homesickness, precipitated by seemingly endless snowfall. The first few days after visiting home are always tough. Mostly, because all of my recent memories and thoughts are about people and places I'm currently a country away from.

In the days leading up to winter break, we had a series of neurology lectures. At one point, our professor mentioned that memories are stored throughout the entire cortex of the brain. Meaning that while there is a single structure responsible for making new memories (the hippocampus), no such structure exists for memory storage. Rather, our memories are stored over the entire surface of our brains. So everything we are, everything we think, and believe and feel and dream, is literally surrounded by our memories. So. Cool.

So while the immediate post-departure sadness of leaving home is frustrating, there is something beautiful in knowing that even though I'm miles away from home, living on the wrong coast, buried in a foot and a half of snow, the primary organ that makes up "me" is blanketed with memories of the people and places I love.

While you read this, I hope that you're close to your loved ones (and places!). But, on this chilly winter night, if you find yourself far away from everything that makes you "you," take comfort in knowing that, in a way, everything you do and everything you are is wrapped up in moments passed. And, should you ever feel the need to take a trip down memory lane, your memories are quite actually on the surface of your mind, just waiting to be remembered.